This is a story I wrote in response to something that a co-worker emailed to me. It was one of those times when I just couldn't help myself. So, I wrote the fic, and posted both it and the email to the lists that I'm on.

I also challenged the others to see what they could come up with too. You can find AnneACK's at WolfPup's Den.

Thanks, as always, go to TAE, the Beta Monster. She always manages to find something that needs fixing. Also, I can't forget the Dorkfish. (Hey, it's a story about Healthy Levels of Insanity, she must be involved somehow.)


He Should Have Known
Lila Kulp

Jim looked over at his partner and shook his head again. He should have known. He should have known from the instant that he saw the power cord hanging out of Sandburg’s backpack this morning.

They had just gotten onto the elevator after leaving the Loft when he saw it and asked, "What’s with the cord, Chief?"

"What cord?" Sandburg replied, turning to face his friend.

Jim then reached around and grabbed the end of the cord and waved it at Sandburg. "This cord."

"Oh, that," Blair had answered as he turned and exited the elevator. "That’s lunchtime entertainment."

"Lunchtime entertainment, huh?" Jim repeated, hoping that Blair would elaborate. But he'd had no such luck. Blair had only answered with a smile.

Jim should have known. He should have at least had a clue when Blair started doing strange things throughout the day. It had started the moment they had gotten to the bullpen. The first thing Blair had done was to stick Post-It notes, saying "IN" on their trashcans. Then Blair had insisted that Jim put the stapler that they shared in his desk drawer, but wouldn’t explain why.

As if that wasn’t enough to make a detective wonder, Jim should have known that all was not right when Blair had Brown and Rafe wheeling around the bullpen in their chairs.

Jim shook his head again. He should have known.

He should have known that his partner had been planning this when he offered to pay for lunch. He should have tried to put an end to this madness when Blair had shouted, "I won! I won!" when he got cash at the ATM. He should have dragged Sandburg to the emergency room when his partner suggested Wonderburger for lunch.

He should have known. All the clues had been there. He should have done something to avoid his present situation. But he hadn’t.

Because of his inaction he was now sitting in his truck, parked on the side of the road pointing a hair dryer at oncoming traffic. Each time a car slowed down Sandburg would laugh hysterically.

He should know better. This was not the kind of activity that the Cascade Police department wanted to be known for. He should have put a stop to this the moment he realized what Sandburg had been doing. He should not be sitting here listening with his heightened senses to the comments of passing traffic as they see the hair dryer and slow down for the perceived speed trap. He most definitely should not be relaying those comments to his partner.

He should put a stop to this. He should be a setting a good example for his younger partner. "Hey Chief, we should be heading back to the station, now. We have cases to solve, you know."

"All right, Jim. Thanks for letting me have my fun." The grin on Sandburg’s face resembled a child with a new puppy.

"Having fun is okay. Just don’t take it too far."

"Sure thing, Jim."

He should know better. He should be the levelheaded one. He should be the voice of reason when things get too crazy. He should not encourage Sandburg’s eccentric behavior. "Hey Chief, I know a place where we can get some mosquito netting to go with the jungle sounds you have on your computer."

The End



1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3) Insist that your email address is: Xena-Warior-Princess@c or Elvis-is King@c.

4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'

10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13) Don't use any punctuation

14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

17) Sing along at the opera.

18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. (For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3.")

21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23) ** Deleted because it was inappropriate **

24) Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.

25) Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"

27) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do."

29) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

30) Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....

31) Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff

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